Below are the most recent 2 friends' journal entries.

Monday, December 14th, 2009
lachupacabra	1:13a	so mostly ive just been wanting to die. massive amts of xanax, klonopin & temezapam are kind of helping by knocking me the fuck out a lot (im hoping the sleep cure works). when im awake, its pretty messy. probably doesnt help im OTR right now. my face feels like sandpaper from crying/sniffling/burts bees/kleenex... repeat endlessly. figs perches & beds & litterbox all got put in the basement the day after. i gave his toys & dishes to mandys kitty & his food to miss shadow downstairs. i could not stand to see that shit sitting around unused for even one second. it was killing me. i wake up thinking hes sleeping by my feet & i think i hear him snoring. the worst is coming back home from somewhere out cause my heart still does that little leap thinking YAY im going to see him again in a few minutes!! but then i realize that im not. he was my best friend & my baby & the light of my life & my treasure cat. we buried him next to poustaki by the temple wall. its strange that i hadnt been taking pix of him lately or journaling or anything... all we'd been doing is cuddling: id be working on a project or reading or messing with the plants & hed be right by my side. watching tv, he was cuddled up over my shoulder. i was so busy enjoying LIVING, i didnt want to take even a second away from it to stop & do anything else. i dont know if thats coming out right...? we still have no idea what was wrong with him & never will i guess. i suppose it was just his time (altho theres a part of me that kind of doesnt really accept that idea) & now hes wherever good(&bad) kitties go with tons of slow fat mice, rivers of milk & all the tuna, cheese & ice cream a kitty can eat. its strange to me that i dont really seriously speculate on *our* afterlife but feel completely assured that all animals have a wonderful one. this is the 1st time in almost 20 yrs that ive been without @ least 1 cat in my house. it is extremely unpleasant & horribly quiet. today, instead of committing suicide, i did errands that couldnt be put off anymore. while i was out, i ended up stopping @ the pet store cause mandy called & said she thinks jiv jago (the pretty [formerly] stray tabby who now lives with her out in farmington) might have barfed up some worms. the minute i walked into petco to find worm meds, i nearly flipped: the gorgeous longhaired girl tuxie id seen back in the spring & thought about adopting then was STILL FUCKING THERE!!! (ive had her picture in my phone since the 1st time i saw her & only didnt adopt her then cause 1. they said shed probably do best in a single cat home & 2. fig really seemed to enjoy being an only kitty) according to the lady who runs the rescue, she was RETURNED by a couple who kept her CRATED a LOT & she came back a little skitty & kind of antisocial. i asked if i could take her out & interact with her so we went into a weird dark little room. she was growly but curious & not mean, just wary. the rescue lady said if i want her, shes mine. no adoption fees, nothing. just make up my mind & take her home. my heart aches every second of every minute of every day for fig but i think im going to be bringing those perches back up tomorrow. CRACKED OUT NIP ADDICT BITES THE SHIT OUT OF A LEG & THEN CURLS UP & GETS POKED WITH TEASING STICK! thanx for all the sweet words & the kind thoughts for fig. i know he was so loved by ppl who never even met him & the knowledge that he brought joy to even one person (not to mention TONS) is just fucking awesome. <3 (20 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 6th, 2009
lachupacabra	8:15p	figs gone he died this morning around 6am. he was FINE FINE FINE all day yesterday, playing, being figgy & then like 1030-11pm, he started acting a little weird & was kind of unsteady on his feet. i called the er vet & eventually took him in @1130pm after watching him for a while & seeing that he wasnt acting like his usual self. they took blood & did tests on it, took xrays & nothing came up. his temp kept dropping tho & they had no idea why. when i took him in it was 96 which is a lot lower than it should be i guess. they said for me to go home @330am & that they would call if anything changed. the dr said he had maybe a seizure or something, he was yoweling & biting the cage so they gave him a little valium. after they took his temp @ 5 & it was 92 even tho he was on warming blankets & was getting IV fluids, they called me to come back & decide whether to let him go or not. i didnt have to decide...he died while i petted him just minutes after i got there. my house is not a home without figgy & im not sure what to do. (37 Comments |Comment on this)